help

Today I am going to work on Prayer.  I think I need to be in constant prayer.  From the moment I wake up until my head hits the pillow.  I'm not sure how else I am suppose to know what to do.

all black

I'm wearing all black today to show respect for my old life.  I think I'm mourning the loss of having time to do things I love, spend large quantities of time with my children, and having one on one time with my husband.  Ok...so really I'm wearing black because that's all I could find that didn't need to be ironed, but the part about mourning is true.  I suppose I should be looking at the glass as half full and celebrating my new adventures ahead.  Sometimes I do, but right now I'm feeling a wee bit overwhelmed.  The weeks ahead look impossible.  I'm already feeling my two year old cling to my leg more, as if he knows what is about to happen.  He can sense that mom will be gone a lot and his life too will be different.

What have I gotten myself into?

it hurts

I hurt when my children hurt.  When they cry true tears of sadness, I cry too.   I ache inside when they feel lonely or afraid. I think that's what happens when hearts are linked.  When love is deep and souls are united.

I think there is nothing more heart wrenching than watching my children go through trials.  Sometimes it is when a five year old is frustrated because she can't tie her shoe.  Other times it is watching a 7 year old get left out when three is a crowd.  Whether those trials are big or small, sometimes all I can do as tell them I love them and watch them as they learn that while trials are hard, they make us stronger.

I once heard a friend say that our children should grow up knowing two things: 1. That they have a personal testimony of Jesus Christ, 2. That they know they are loved.  I hope that my children know these things, and as they are learning and growing their testimonies. That they know that I love them and God loves them and that those two things will never change.

 No one knows our children like we do.  No one else sees themselves when they look at my child.  But mothers do, and so do fathers.  We long to give them everything, teach them everything, and hope that when we fall short they will still find a way for themselves.

in awe

Have you ever judged someone harshly and then cringed at yourself for being so critical when you later find out that the person you so cruelly judged, is a simply amazing person?  And has that person become one of your dearest and closet friends?  I have.  She is.

A couple of days ago, my very organized week was turned upside down when we found out Q had to leave for an unexpected business trip.  Things that I needed to do were going to be very difficult without Q there to help with the kids.  So I called on this friend previously mentioned.  I told her the perdicament and she simply replied, "What do you need?  We will make it happen."  Not, "oh sorry, I'm too busy" or "I don't know...It's a school night" or any other imaginable excuse.  She offered to do things I would never have asked of her.  She was simply willing to serve with love.  Amazing.

She is not the only person in my life to do these selfless acts for my family.  I can't possibly count the times when friends or family have stepped up in my time of need.
--Need someone to watch your children in the middle of the night while you are in labor having a baby?  Happily.
--Drop everything to pick up your sick child from school so you don't have to wake your sleeping toddler?  Certainly.
--Listen to you cry about struggles in life?  With open arms.

I am continually in awe of the amazing people in my life.  I marvel at the goodness in their hearts.  And I wonder how I can become like them.