Sol

Let me tell you about Solomon. Sol-Sol, Solly, Sol, Solomon. He is so sweet. And handsome. And makes me smile.

I can hardly remember life before my children, and Sol is no exception. His cute little toddler walk, his "chinese" jabber, is funny faces (squeeze eyes shut) and how he gets so excited.

He loves his daddy. A lot. He lights up whenever we talk about Da-Da. He is sad if he can't find him, mostly because dad is at work. He likes to bring dad his shoes when he is getting ready for work. He loves to climb on Q and push his nose and lift up his shirt and squish Q's belly.

He is the only 1 year old I have had that gives closed mouth kisses, which I am grateful for.

Sol is such a happy boy. He plays and plays and then will come for a quick hug or hold and then run off to play some more.

There is so much I love about Sol. He makes me smile just looking at him. He is a joy in our family.

I am blessed to have been given the opportunity to love and teach and help him grow.

contentment

Here I go again...in my happy place (zumba) and yet all I can think about is how I wish I were somewhere else. I feel like life is stagnant. I yearn to be everywhere I am not. Why is that? When my life is so good?

I think I will try and do something creative today. Something that is not laundry or cleaning or picking up toys. Elder Uchtdorf gave a talk to about creating something and how it makes of feel purpose. I have been longing to paint Lulu's room. I will start today.

I want to be happy where I am. I am happy, but sometimes bouts of doubt creep in and haunt me for days until I can push them out again.

So I will blow my nose and get to work.

hopeful

Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it. I did something that I have not done in many years. Upon waking, I knelt in prayer at my bedside. Oh, I often pray throughout the day, but it has been many years since I said my morning prayers. It did as everyone says it does, it set the tone for the day. A hopeful tone. A humble pleading to help me be better than I am. Better mother, better wife, better housekeeper...you get the picture.

I am truly blessed in this life. Thanking my father in heaven for them has set my mood right. Given me hope that today will be all that it should.

Now bring on the Zumba, housecleaning, mothering and swimming at the lake with my three beautiful babies.

a beacon

I have been reading nie nie dialogs. A blog about a young mother who survives a horrific plane crash, where she and her husband are badly burned. She is so very inspirational. Her story is fascinating. I have been reading all the back posts as if it were a novel. I cannot get enough. Her example of strength and struggle are an amazing reminder of what is important. Her faith is strong, stronger than ever, yet her trials are greater than ever.

It leaves me feeling hopeful. Hopeful that my situation will improve, as hers has. Oh, I don't have any real complaints. I am married to the most incredible man. He loves me and I love him. We have 3 beautiful children that are perfect in every way. We live in a nice home, with food to eat and clothing to wear. We know the truth about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

It's the little things. Little things that often seem huge. Sometimes it's because they are, and sometimes it's because my mind gets carried away and they are bigger in my mind than they are in reality.

Life is about to change. And that is scary. I have to leave the comfort of my home and family and embark on a journey I am not sure if I am ready to take. As I head back to school this year, my mind is carried away with the things I will miss, like soccer games, and lazy Saturday afternoons, and bike rides on the river trail. But it must be done. Our comfortable home and food that we eat, and clothes that we wear depend on it. So I will do it, because I must.

If I can help ease the burden of our financial situation, I am required to do so. Not by Q, he would never force me to do anything I didn't want to, but by my own will. By the knowledge that it will get better if I do. It has to.

just for me

Here I sit at the public library. In the adult section. Usually I am here with 3 children in tow and am lucky if I get through the children's section without a scene. But tonight is my night. It's been an "off day" and so I kissed my children and husband goodbye to head off for some alone time.

I thought about going shopping. Shopping is so theraputic, but only when I have money to spend. It is not theraputic when I walk around stores looking at things I cannot afford. Or worse, end up purchasing it on CC and then agonizing on how I will ever pay it off. So, no, I am not shopping tonight. I chose the only place in town that does not require money (expect for the $7 late fines I had to pay to clear my library account, just so I could use the computer).

I'm not sure why I needed a night to myself. Only that my patience has worn thin, and my poor children are have been the target of my misplaced frustrations.

I am here, having just made this blogger acount. I plan to do nothing to it to make it pretty or fun to read. I am to be the only reader. It will be full of grammar and typing errors. It will have no pictures or graphics. It will serve as an outlet. A place for my thoughts. A journal of sorts. Private yet, so very public. Why does that intrigue me? Maybe someday, somone will stumble across it. And that is fine. But also fine if no one ever does.

This one is just for me.