thanksgiving....a week late

Now that Thanksgiving is over and my family is coming out of the flu infested weekend, I feel the need to express my gratitude for all that I have.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be as blessed as I am.  Ok...I did dream wildly about it, but never thought it would actually happen.  I have so much to be thankful for.  When I start to think about it, the blessings are so abudant that I couldn't possibly list them all, but here are a few.

• I am married to my favorite person in the world.  How many people can say that?
• My three children are quite possibly the cutest kids on the planet. Not to mention the smartest and sweetest and funniest and greatest and most talented and...
• Quinn has a job.  And not just a job, but one that he likes and one that supports our family and helps us live comfortably.
• My healthy body. My family is healthy. 
• I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 
• Quinn is a worthy priesthood holder and leads our family righteously.
• I have amazing friends that I consider family.
• I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.  Somewhere I could happily live forever.
• All the things that I often take for granted, that so many do not have; a beautiful home, a comfortable bed, an abundance of food to eat, clothing to wear, a warm shower...

Many, many more come to mind.  But I must go take care of those cute, talented, smart children.

a day of rest

The Sabbath is suppose to be a day of rest.  Mine usually is not.  Sometimes they are more work than any other day of the week. 

I'm not sure why, but it seems the kids are grumpier on Sundays.  In turn, I am grumpier.  I don't want to be.  I don't want to lose my patience on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th time to take a child out of sacrament meeting.  I don't want to lose my cool, when my 5  year old blatently disobeys.  I don't want to feel frustrated when another child tells me he thinks he's going to throw up while we're sitting in the church pew. I don't want to angrily take away the new birthday toys of a strong willed child, throwing a fit.

But I did all those things today.

It's not that I had to walk in and out of the chapel 5 times, or discipline a disobedient child, or nurse a sick baby that leaves me feeling defeated at the end of the day.  It's the disappointment in myself that I did not combat these things with compassion and love.  Instead I let annoyance and anger take over.  And for that I am ashamed.

At the end of the day I want my children to feel loved.  So I took some time to cool off.  I went to lay down with Lu who had been banished to her bed for the night.  Told her I loved her, kissed her goodnight, and vowed to have a better day tomorrow.

quiet moments

What do you think about in your quiet moments?

In my quiet moments when Quinn is gone and the kids are in bed and the TV is off, I think of the same thing, over and over.  Like a broken record.  I try and think about other things, but it always comes back to the same thoughts.  I keep repeating in my head the thoughts of struggles past, my previous life, my childhood.  I can't shake the spiteful words from people I love aimed directly to hurt other people I love.  Shot at one another as if  words could piece their hearts.  And they can, and they did.  Only it's as if their sights we mis-aligned and hit me.  I'm not sure that they ever made it to their true targets, but hitting innocent by-standers on the way.  As if shooting a bear would give you venison.

If I am ever to heal these wounds, forgiveness has to come into my heart.  Only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can true healing occur.  I know this.  I understand this principle.  I have taught it to others.  Somehow I must learn to apply it to myself.