passions

I just spent an entire week on a tropical island with my husband and six of our closest friends.  There were no children, no emails from work, no schedule and no obligations.  It was glorious.  I enjoyed the trip immensely.  Kauai has some of the most beautiful beaches and waterfalls in the world.  We ate delicious food and spent every waking moment relishing in being a bit selfish for the week.  

Part way through the week, I started to notice an interesting side effect of spending so much time with with the same people for this allotted time.  I like to think that I know these particular friends quite well.  I have know some of them for going on 15 years.  I know many of their likes and interests.  But in this week, I began to see them a bit differently. 

How do I explain this properly?  I think each one of us has a passion.  Q's is architecture.  He can look at a building over and over again for hours and not get bored.  He notices each detail (the beautiful and the flawed), explores the possibilities of what it is and what it could be, and never seems to tire of it.  He could spend each and every day examining buildings, seeing the beauty in them that most people never take notice of.  I know this by the way his entire physical body changes when he sees a particularly interesting work of architecture.  His eyes truly do light up and it's almost as if all his senses become more acute.  Years of seeing this change in him when we happen upon a building of interest has helped me recognize the signs of this type of passion in others.  After a while I clued in that whenever this happened, I needed to relax, sit back and enjoy the setting as Q pulled out the camera and took as many pictures as humanly possible.

I became aware of some of these "passions" in my fellow travelers this week.  The passions became especially evident in the men of our group.  Perhaps because I am more familiar with the women, seeing and talking with them on a more intimate way in our everyday lives, I was more struck when I noticed them in the men.  

I first became aware of one of Ty's passions when the search for the perfect wave began, but I didn't fully comprehend why a wave would be so interesting until we happened upon a beach that had several surfers.  Now don't get me wrong, I already knew the reason Ty was looking for the right surf conditions was because he was a surfer himself and was looking for a place where he could join in this action, but what I didn't realize was that it was a passion.  Not just the surfing itself, but the conditions of the ocean, the size and force of the waves was equally interesting to him.  But when we sat on the beach and the rest of us pulled out a book to read, Ty and R did not.  Their physique changed the same way Q's does.  And then out came the camera, and unlike the rest of us that snapped a couple pictures, they continued to do what always happens when passion and person meet; the camera did not get put away, but remained in use until it was time to leave. I imagine if this was back when we still used 35mm film, that many rolls would have been consumed.

It was on a drive along the highway that clued me into the fact that TC is every bit as much an engineer as Q is an architect. Again, I already knew TC was an engineer.  I already knew he could talk about building roads until the sun went down, but it didn't become evident as a passion, until I saw the camera come out as we passed a stretch of highway that was being constructed.  Had we deemed it a "Point Of Interest" I am certain more pictures would have been taken, and every bit of it analyzed.  But it seems TC has more than one passion.  As we hiked along the Napali Coast, paddled up the Wailua River and looked on the Wiamea Canyon, I could see the physical changes happen to him as well.  The beauty of the nature around him, changed his demeanor.  Words like "incredible", "amazing", "magnificent" and "unbelievable" flowed freely from his lips.  At every possible moment, the camera appeared, and sadness consumed his eyes when he realized he had finally run the battery too low to take any more pictures.

There were others that I noticed, but the reaction to each was the same.  It makes me reflect on what I am passionate about.  Am I passionate enough?  Do I give into the pleasures of being consumed by the beauty of my passions often enough?  Would I be more passionate about other aspects of my life if I let myself fully enjoy the things I love most?

Q often tells me he thinks other people think he is a nerd for liking architecture so much.  But I think it is beautiful to know what your passion is and to make it part of your everyday life. Passions, like talents, should not be hidden under a bushel, and we should  not be ashamed of the passions that help define who we are.

traditions

Four days ago, I sat on a beach in Trinidad, California watching my family.  There was just us, five Lowrys, alone on the sand. An overwhelming feeling of joy came over me as I watched Q and Sol walk hand in hand along the waters edge.  I smiled as I observed Corbin and Eliza dancing and playing in the surf.  I knew then, that I was exactly where I was suppose to be.  I was with the only people that really matter, doing what we love most.

We have been coming to Trinidad once a year during the summer since before Corbin was born.  It has become a tradition that helps define who we are.  Our children may not be able to remember what events occurred in which year, but they will be able to remember the sounds, and sights, and smells that only the Northern California Coast can bring.  They will have a feeling of nostalgia as they think back on our family tradition.  It was this train of thought that led to a flash-forward moment, of seeing my children grown, with children of their own on this very same beach, instilling in them the tradition we began so long ago.  I realized that this tradition will ring strong when they are grown, as it does for me now.

way to go

I ruined Father's Day.  Right from the get-go.  Way to go, Whit.  I'm pretty sure this will go down in record books as Q's worst father's day E.V.E.R.

I think it's because I'm such a lousy mother.  If I could figure out how to parent better I might not have had a major melt-down at 6:30 this morning.  The plan was to get up, take care of the kids, make breakfast, and let Q sleep in until he had to go to his Sunday morning meetings at church.  I got up, but that was the only thing that went right.  I was incapable of keeping Sol from literally kicking and screaming at me for 30 min straight which caused the mommy meltdown, I ATTEMPTED (amid sobbing) to make breakfast, and with all the racket going on in the next room Q did not get to sleep in.

I wanted it to be a great father's day, for an amazing father.  Quinn is everything I could have hoped for in a father for my children.  He shows and tells them he loves them, he teaches them, he plays with them, he is a great example of goodness for them, and I don't think any child on earth has a better father than my children do.

hand in hand

Corbin took Eliza's hand and led her to play on the playground, so she wouldn't be afraid.  I held Sol on my lap while swinging on a swing, listening to his laughter. And as Q snapped pictures, I thought, "This is it. This is as good as it gets. This is why we are here."  It was a moment when I saw without obstruction the joy that having a family brings.  The kind of moment that should happen more often, but I am frequently too busy or preoccupied to notice.  How many times have other moments like this passed me by without realizing it?  I have rarely appreciated my family more than I did in that moment.

My life is good.  I am very, very blessed.  

less is more

"Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world and aspire to the honors of men that they do not learn this one lesson." - Doctrine & Covenants 121:35

This was given in a talk in church on Sunday.  It is in reference to the powers of the priesthood, but I felt it hit home in a different way.  There are so many ways that our "hearts are set so much upon the things of this world" and hinder our ability to "learn this one lesson."  For me it is being in denial of our finances.  It is justifying the things that I think I NEED or DESERVE, when these things aren't needs at all.  And I have so much more than I deserve.

After piecing things together that have been coming on for the past month or so (reading two ensign articles, Q receiving a blessing from a member of the stake presidency, and hearing this scripture read at church) I knew I couldn't live in denial any longer.  More must be done to help us become financially free.  Free from the weight of hefty debt payments, free of panic stricken feelings of "what ifs" and how we are going pay for them, free of the guilt of exceeding our income, free of the fear of losing our home.

The funny thing is, it does feel more free to live on less.  I thought that throwing out the credit cards and turning of the satellite TV would make me feel a sense of anxiety, and yet all I feel is relief.

Less is often, so much more.

a clean home is a happy home

Last night I had a much needed girls night. Alicia had the gals over to watch chick flick. One that the husbands don't want to watch. It was lovely. Ladies watching romance, without worrying wether the men are bored.

I left Q with a messy house, kids to get ready for bed and dinner to clean up. Poor guy. When I got home, The great room was immaculate! Floor vaccuumed, toys picked up, kitchen clean, kids in bed. It was heavenly. Thank you Quinn.

At first I thought he had done it for me. But then I got to thinking about the fact that Q's boss was picking him up for work early in the morning, and he probably didn't want to be embarrassed by the state of the house. Of course I immediately felt a sense of guilt, that I had left such a mess and Q had to clean it by himself after a full day of work. Damn guilt. It ruins everything.

And then this morning, I got to relive the loveliness of a clean house again. Oh, how I love to wake up to a clean house.

I'm not sure how I got such a fabulous husband. But, I'll take him.

a little about me - 1st pharm tech assignment

Like most people, my life is broken into different parts. Childhood and adulthood. Pre-marriage and after matrimony. Life before children and life during parenthood. As a working woman and as a stay-at-home-mom. So rather than fight it, I'll write within the “parts” of my existence.

Childhood was...challenging, fun, happy and sad. Living out two lives, one with my father's family and one with my mother's family, gave me many opportunities to try and figure out who I was. Learning to be me, was hard. For many years I was one person at Mom's and a different person at Dad's.

Living on a working Apple Ranch in Round Mountain, CA my dad taught me the value of work. From a young age, working in the orchards was expected, and for the most part enjoyed. My dad remarried when I was five, and I inherited a new sister and step-mother. And then a few years later, along came three more brothers, bringing our Brady Bunch family to a total of 7 children; five boys and two girls. Blending us all together to try and make a happy family was...challenging. At times it worked, and we felt united, at other times it was disastrous. Spending 2nd through 5th grade living with my father's family was both rewarding and exhausting.

Upon entering middle school, I transferred homes to live with my mother, in Redding, CA. Here I too learned different lessons that helped shape me into who I am. I went from a tiny mountain community school of 20 per grade, to a large middle school of 300 per grade. Where did I fit in? My mother encouraged me to participate in music and sports, which led to making new friends and soon, enjoying my new independence. For the most part I was now an “only child” (except for when my two older brothers joined me on the weekends and when I spent other weekends and holidays with my dad), which was a far cry from being the middle child of 7. I continued to participate in as many activities as I could; choir, basketball, track and field, and student government were among my favorites. Nearing the end of my middle school years, my mother remarried, along with my new step-father I gained another step brother and sister. Unfortunately it was a union that I did not adjust to well. Through the end of my middle school years and through high school I learned that school was my solace. It was where I could escape. I piled on more activities and sports and learned to spend a lot of time with friends. On the weekends I spent with my father, I worked at the movie theater our family owned in Fall River Mills. I learned to be resilient and independent. I learned to make the best of an unpleasant situation and focus on the good in my life. After a little experimentation I quickly learned, that faith in God and hard work, was a better recipe for changing my circumstances than parties and drugs. My mother divorced her second husband. End of sob story.

I graduated from high school and spent a year at Shasta College taking a little of this and that, not knowing what I wanted to do or become. I spent a lot of time at school, working various jobs (restaurant, elderly care and childcare) and spending time with my friends, most of whom I met through church and the Institute of Religion near the college. Shortly after starting college I was introduced to an amazing man. We began courting. Even though he lived in Arizona where he attended Arizona State University, we managed a long distance relationship.

At 18 years old, I married Quinn Lowry and moved with him to Arizona where we both attended school. I attended Mesa Community College and he continued at ASU. Finally my life was quiet. My husband and I could live how we believed with out the “noise” of my childhood. Moving a far distance from my childhood family gave me time to focus on my new little family. I worked during the day as an office manager for an architecture firm in Scottsdale, AZ and went to school at night. On Sundays I taught Sunday School lessons young children at church. After about two years in the Phoenix area, Quinn graduated, and we moved to Salt Lake City, UT where he was accepted into the University of Utah's Graduate School of Architecture. We lived on campus in the old, run-down married student housing. We both searched for work and I soon found a fantastic job at the University of Utah Hospital where I worked as the Executive Secretary for the Operating Room Department. Doing payroll, HR, organizing events and getting to know the 130 employees in our department was a treat. I also enjoyed being in the hospital environment working with all different people with one common purpose; to provide excellent care to each and every patient. Along with working at the UofU I taught lessons to the Relief Society (women's organization) once a month at church. I also enrolled in community based classes, taking guitar lessons, floral arrangement and cake decorating. We had decided that because we were now living in a new state and paying out of state tuition, that I would put my schooling on hold while Quinn finished his masters degree. We grew to love the Salt Lake Valley and all the other couples and families that lived in student housing with us.

Two years past and we left Salt Lake City and headed home to Redding, CA. Having spent several years away from my family, I learned to value them and appreciate the many good and meaningful things my parents taught me. While I always knew I loved them and maintained a good relationship, I now was ready to accept them back into my life in a more accessible way. I wanted to live near them, and raise my children where they could know and love their grandparents.

Quinn went back to work for the architecture firm in town that he had worked for on summer breaks from college before we were married. I found a great job working for as the Department Secretary in Redding Medical Center's Cardiac Rehab Department. After being there for several months, the hospital, and the Cardiac Department in particular, started having difficulties. Cutbacks were made and hours reduced. To help keep up my hours, I began assisting the director of the then newly implemented Bariatric Surgery Department at RMC. After being back in Redding for a short time, we found ourselves buying a home to accommodate our growing family. However, the hospital needed to make more cut backs and I was laid off from my positions at Redding Medical Center. Even though my plan was to work through my pregnancy, I was still able to keep busy by helping teach, plan, and supervise activities with the Young Women (12-18 year old girls) in our church. Our first baby boy (Corbin) was born and I quickly became a stay-at-home-mom. I enjoyed this very much.

I was now changing diapers, going to the park, watching Elmo, teaching children to walk, and practicing so many other aspects of motherhood. I always enjoyed being at home with my children (now 3 of them: Corbin, Eliza, Solomon), but I still wanted to help earn extra income for our family. Over the years I have become a chameleon, changing my job for what would allow me flexibility of working and still taking care of my children full time. I have taught English/Writing Skills to home-schooled children through Modoc Charter School. I became a home based customer service operator for major companies like ShopNBC and TimeLIFE. Working the night shift at Kohl's department store placing signage was fine until I wore out with exhaustion from working all night and taking care of my kids during the day. There were even times that I worked from home through the internet for Lionbridge rating websites for search engines. I also ventured into entrepreneurship opening my own web-based clothing business. After 2 ½ years I closed the store to try to look for something more consistent.

As if I wasn't busy enough with raising children and working part time, I changed positions in church now working with the Relief Society again, but as the secretary and then later a Counselor (similar to a Vice president) to the President of the organization. Once my children entered school, I also felt a need to participate in their education by volunteering once a week in the classroom. To fulfill a longtime dream of living in a home that my husband designed, I oversaw and managed the construction of a beautiful new home for our family.

With my children growing older and the economy being uncertain, I feel once again that it is important for me to continue my education so I can be more marketable in the career world. I have extremely enjoyed working in the hospital setting in previous employment and would like to become a hospital pharmacy tech. With my family always being my first and most important aspect of my life, I am hoping to work part time until my children are older. I am hoping that because I want to work the “off hours” (evenings and weekends) so I can be at home with my children during the week, I will be able to fill a void where most most people do not want to work.

It is amazing where life takes us. How are decisions can be and are our own. I am constantly amazed at where my decisions have taken me and am excited to find out where I will go next. I have grown to love life more fully as I grow wiser with age. I attribute my happiness to a good sense of self, a devoted husband, a great family and a loving God.

busy-ness

What a weekend! I started school, the kids had their first soccer games, Becky and the kids came to visit, a trip to the ER with Sol after I slammed his foot in the van door (I still have much guilt, but thankfully it's not broken), dinner with good friends, and Quinn was called to be a counselor in the bishopric of our ward. Which also means he will be ordained a high priest. All of these things (aside from the ER trip) were good productive things.

Quinn is worried about being in the bishopric. I think he will do great. Isn't it funny how we always doubt ourselves, but can see all the good in others? He's wonders why he was called when there are so many other people in the ward that could fill that position. But he is a good man, trying hard to do what is right. He has a testimony of the gospel. Isn't that what matters? The only thing I worry about is having 3 kids by myself in Sacrament meeting, while Quinn watches from the stand. Hmmm...maybe I can get a young woman to sit with us. The kids love Adalie. I think I'll ask her.

It seems like every minute of every day is filling up. I'd better get to it.

12 years

Q and I had our 12 year wedding anniversary on Friday. 12 years. Wow. It doesn't seem like that long, yet when I think about all that has happened since we've been married, I am amazed. Lived in 3 states, 4 years of college, 3 beautiful kids, owned 2 houses, etc, etc.

I really could not imagine myself married to anyone else. I have often thought about what it would be like to be married to one of my old boyfriends. All I can say is that when I do think about it, I get a little shiver and thank God for my husband. He is amazing. The funny thing is that I never grow tired of him. I always want to be with him and always want to have him around.

We never make a big deal of our anniversary. But the kids spent the night at Granna and Grandpa Mac's house and we went to dinner and then came home. No presents, not this year, our pocketbook doesn't support them. But I don't need anything, I have everything I need; love. Cheesy I know, but true.

Happy birthday Quinn. I love you.

great day

Today was a great day.


We sat with Liz and Corbin and showed them our wedding album. We talked about how they weren't there because they were still in Heaven. Yes, Brooklyn and Kenzie (cousins - whose mom was in our pictures) were there with you too. It was great to show them everyone 12 years ago. Yes, mom and dad were a little thinner then. No it's not icky that mom and dad are kissing.

Next scriptures, family prayer and bedtime routine. After the big kids woke up their sleeping brother with their loud stomps, talking and slamming of bathroom drawers we had a physical exercise of how to be quiet. "Corbin, show me how to close the drawer quitely." "Lizzy, show me how to walk quietly down the hall"...etc, etc. They thought it was funny.

Later Q and I were laying close in bed. Q asks if I will still love him when he is completely broken. Of course, I say. Will you still love me when I wear grandma shoes at age 35 because my bunions hurt so bad and have a hunchback from my lazy shoulder. He replies, "I get turned on just thinking about it." Ha Ha. But seriously, I will, and he will and that is true love.

But I guess we were lying a little too close because I started pointing out his long eyebrow hairs and he said, 'will you still love me with bushy eyebrows and ear hair?" I love bushy eyebrows and earhair. "Oh yes," he says, "because you see ear hair and think 'that is hot' ". Much laughter follows. And then one more, "I'm sorry I'm not who you thought you married." What do you mean? "I don't look the same as the wedding pictures." And then we laugh some more. Because neither of us look like we did in our wedding pictures. But in reality I don't notice the ear hair, I love the gray hair and all I see is the man I fell in love with. And I love him more now than I did that day in those pictures.