Journal Entry from : March 31, 2013
On this Easter, the day we celebrate the resurrected Christ, I am thankful for this truth: "The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out if the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature. " -Ezra Taft Benson
Showing posts with label gospel principles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gospel principles. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2011
less is more
"Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world and aspire to the honors of men that they do not learn this one lesson." - Doctrine & Covenants 121:35
This was given in a talk in church on Sunday. It is in reference to the powers of the priesthood, but I felt it hit home in a different way. There are so many ways that our "hearts are set so much upon the things of this world" and hinder our ability to "learn this one lesson." For me it is being in denial of our finances. It is justifying the things that I think I NEED or DESERVE, when these things aren't needs at all. And I have so much more than I deserve.
After piecing things together that have been coming on for the past month or so (reading two ensign articles, Q receiving a blessing from a member of the stake presidency, and hearing this scripture read at church) I knew I couldn't live in denial any longer. More must be done to help us become financially free. Free from the weight of hefty debt payments, free of panic stricken feelings of "what ifs" and how we are going pay for them, free of the guilt of exceeding our income, free of the fear of losing our home.
The funny thing is, it does feel more free to live on less. I thought that throwing out the credit cards and turning of the satellite TV would make me feel a sense of anxiety, and yet all I feel is relief.
Less is often, so much more.
This was given in a talk in church on Sunday. It is in reference to the powers of the priesthood, but I felt it hit home in a different way. There are so many ways that our "hearts are set so much upon the things of this world" and hinder our ability to "learn this one lesson." For me it is being in denial of our finances. It is justifying the things that I think I NEED or DESERVE, when these things aren't needs at all. And I have so much more than I deserve.
After piecing things together that have been coming on for the past month or so (reading two ensign articles, Q receiving a blessing from a member of the stake presidency, and hearing this scripture read at church) I knew I couldn't live in denial any longer. More must be done to help us become financially free. Free from the weight of hefty debt payments, free of panic stricken feelings of "what ifs" and how we are going pay for them, free of the guilt of exceeding our income, free of the fear of losing our home.
The funny thing is, it does feel more free to live on less. I thought that throwing out the credit cards and turning of the satellite TV would make me feel a sense of anxiety, and yet all I feel is relief.
Less is often, so much more.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
a day to remember
Saturday was one of those days I hope I never forget. I took Eliza and Corbin snow skiing. It was Corbin's second time and Eliza's first time. Corbin was zooming down the mountain (lapping us...he did twice as many runs as E and I did). Eliza was a trooper, never crying, even when she stayed on the chair lift too long and had to jump off.
One of the things I enjoy most in life is watching my children learn something new. I love seeing the joy on their face when they realize this new, yet difficult, task is worth the effort it takes. That great things can come with work and endurance. Both Liz and Corbin were learning that even though we sometimes fall and get hurt, that it is always worth the effort to rise and try again. That the reward is greater than the sacrifice. Who knew that learning to ski could teach so much?
One of the things I enjoy most in life is watching my children learn something new. I love seeing the joy on their face when they realize this new, yet difficult, task is worth the effort it takes. That great things can come with work and endurance. Both Liz and Corbin were learning that even though we sometimes fall and get hurt, that it is always worth the effort to rise and try again. That the reward is greater than the sacrifice. Who knew that learning to ski could teach so much?
Monday, March 28, 2011
help
Today I am going to work on Prayer. I think I need to be in constant prayer. From the moment I wake up until my head hits the pillow. I'm not sure how else I am suppose to know what to do.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
it hurts
I hurt when my children hurt. When they cry true tears of sadness, I cry too. I ache inside when they feel lonely or afraid. I think that's what happens when hearts are linked. When love is deep and souls are united.
I think there is nothing more heart wrenching than watching my children go through trials. Sometimes it is when a five year old is frustrated because she can't tie her shoe. Other times it is watching a 7 year old get left out when three is a crowd. Whether those trials are big or small, sometimes all I can do as tell them I love them and watch them as they learn that while trials are hard, they make us stronger.
I once heard a friend say that our children should grow up knowing two things: 1. That they have a personal testimony of Jesus Christ, 2. That they know they are loved. I hope that my children know these things, and as they are learning and growing their testimonies. That they know that I love them and God loves them and that those two things will never change.
No one knows our children like we do. No one else sees themselves when they look at my child. But mothers do, and so do fathers. We long to give them everything, teach them everything, and hope that when we fall short they will still find a way for themselves.
I think there is nothing more heart wrenching than watching my children go through trials. Sometimes it is when a five year old is frustrated because she can't tie her shoe. Other times it is watching a 7 year old get left out when three is a crowd. Whether those trials are big or small, sometimes all I can do as tell them I love them and watch them as they learn that while trials are hard, they make us stronger.
I once heard a friend say that our children should grow up knowing two things: 1. That they have a personal testimony of Jesus Christ, 2. That they know they are loved. I hope that my children know these things, and as they are learning and growing their testimonies. That they know that I love them and God loves them and that those two things will never change.
No one knows our children like we do. No one else sees themselves when they look at my child. But mothers do, and so do fathers. We long to give them everything, teach them everything, and hope that when we fall short they will still find a way for themselves.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
in awe
Have you ever judged someone harshly and then cringed at yourself for being so critical when you later find out that the person you so cruelly judged, is a simply amazing person? And has that person become one of your dearest and closet friends? I have. She is.
A couple of days ago, my very organized week was turned upside down when we found out Q had to leave for an unexpected business trip. Things that I needed to do were going to be very difficult without Q there to help with the kids. So I called on this friend previously mentioned. I told her the perdicament and she simply replied, "What do you need? We will make it happen." Not, "oh sorry, I'm too busy" or "I don't know...It's a school night" or any other imaginable excuse. She offered to do things I would never have asked of her. She was simply willing to serve with love. Amazing.
She is not the only person in my life to do these selfless acts for my family. I can't possibly count the times when friends or family have stepped up in my time of need.
--Need someone to watch your children in the middle of the night while you are in labor having a baby? Happily.
--Drop everything to pick up your sick child from school so you don't have to wake your sleeping toddler? Certainly.
--Listen to you cry about struggles in life? With open arms.
I am continually in awe of the amazing people in my life. I marvel at the goodness in their hearts. And I wonder how I can become like them.
A couple of days ago, my very organized week was turned upside down when we found out Q had to leave for an unexpected business trip. Things that I needed to do were going to be very difficult without Q there to help with the kids. So I called on this friend previously mentioned. I told her the perdicament and she simply replied, "What do you need? We will make it happen." Not, "oh sorry, I'm too busy" or "I don't know...It's a school night" or any other imaginable excuse. She offered to do things I would never have asked of her. She was simply willing to serve with love. Amazing.
She is not the only person in my life to do these selfless acts for my family. I can't possibly count the times when friends or family have stepped up in my time of need.
--Need someone to watch your children in the middle of the night while you are in labor having a baby? Happily.
--Drop everything to pick up your sick child from school so you don't have to wake your sleeping toddler? Certainly.
--Listen to you cry about struggles in life? With open arms.
I am continually in awe of the amazing people in my life. I marvel at the goodness in their hearts. And I wonder how I can become like them.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
finding balance
I struggle between wanting to give my children everything and wanting them to learn the value of work. I want them to know that life isn't free but sometimes just want to give them something special "just because".
I recently read the book, "Glass Castle" that depicted the amazing life of a family who lived on nothing. Among other things, they ate moldy bread and canned ham with maggots and food from other people's trash. They lived in a shack and as children the loved going to school because it meant they would be warm and dry and have at least one meal that day. They considered everyday items like shoes, clothes, baths and food as luxuries. My emotions were so conflicted between feeling sorry for them and having a great admiration for them that I would put the book down not knowing if their life, or my life was better? While I realize that my life with its warm home and bountiful food to eat is probably more desirable, I wonder if the plentiful lifestyle is detrimental to my children's upbringing. Are they learning anything from being given everything? Do they understand that although they may not like the taste of their chicken enchilada dinner, that somewhere a child will go without dinner tonight? That ice cream is a luxury and not a necessity?
I was particularly struck by my internal struggle when in the book, the parents have no presents for their children for Christmas so the father took each child aside and gave them each a chance to pick and name their very own star from the sky. I compare that to our own Christmas, with presents overflowing from beneath the tree and stockings stuffed with sweets and gifts. Our children were so excited to see the presents on Christmas morning and loved their new bicycles and toys and clothes. Then a few days later we gathered with our friends at a fun function to find out that our children were the only children in our group of friends that did not get Nintendo DS's from Christmas. How do I explain that Santa Claus gave them DS's but not us? How do I explain to them that we are the "poor" ones in our group, when in fact we are not "poor" at all, but do not have quite as much as others? I tried to explain that each family is different, that we all live with different budgets and different lifestyles, but to this day (two months later) I daily hear the complaint that they do not have these hand-held video games that everyone else seems to have. How do I help them be happy with what they have, instead of yearning for what they do not?
How do I help MYSELF be happy with what I have instead of looking at others in envy?
I find solace in the fact that I even ask the question. The day that my life becomes extreme and I give in to one side or the other is when I should start to worry. I suppose that is what life is about, finding balance in all things.
I recently read the book, "Glass Castle" that depicted the amazing life of a family who lived on nothing. Among other things, they ate moldy bread and canned ham with maggots and food from other people's trash. They lived in a shack and as children the loved going to school because it meant they would be warm and dry and have at least one meal that day. They considered everyday items like shoes, clothes, baths and food as luxuries. My emotions were so conflicted between feeling sorry for them and having a great admiration for them that I would put the book down not knowing if their life, or my life was better? While I realize that my life with its warm home and bountiful food to eat is probably more desirable, I wonder if the plentiful lifestyle is detrimental to my children's upbringing. Are they learning anything from being given everything? Do they understand that although they may not like the taste of their chicken enchilada dinner, that somewhere a child will go without dinner tonight? That ice cream is a luxury and not a necessity?
I was particularly struck by my internal struggle when in the book, the parents have no presents for their children for Christmas so the father took each child aside and gave them each a chance to pick and name their very own star from the sky. I compare that to our own Christmas, with presents overflowing from beneath the tree and stockings stuffed with sweets and gifts. Our children were so excited to see the presents on Christmas morning and loved their new bicycles and toys and clothes. Then a few days later we gathered with our friends at a fun function to find out that our children were the only children in our group of friends that did not get Nintendo DS's from Christmas. How do I explain that Santa Claus gave them DS's but not us? How do I explain to them that we are the "poor" ones in our group, when in fact we are not "poor" at all, but do not have quite as much as others? I tried to explain that each family is different, that we all live with different budgets and different lifestyles, but to this day (two months later) I daily hear the complaint that they do not have these hand-held video games that everyone else seems to have. How do I help them be happy with what they have, instead of yearning for what they do not?
How do I help MYSELF be happy with what I have instead of looking at others in envy?
I find solace in the fact that I even ask the question. The day that my life becomes extreme and I give in to one side or the other is when I should start to worry. I suppose that is what life is about, finding balance in all things.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
people vs things
When we ask someone what they value more: people or things, the spoken response is almost always "people". But then I am always surprised when their actions speak otherwise. I especially notice this when someone I love picks a thing over me. It stings. It makes my stomach ache and my heart weep. I am offended. But mostly I am disappointed. Disappointed that someone I love chose IT over ME. That things won out. That I was not valued enough. Then the question begs: Am I worthy enough to be valued? Logically I know that I am of value. That it is the person choosing things over people that are to blame. But it still leaves me wondering. Like a child who wonders if it was her fault that her parents divorced. As she grows older, she knows the answer. That it's not her, it's them. But even as an adult the doubt lingers. Could she have been better behaved, or smarter, or sweeter? Would it have helped? The answer is no. Always no. And yet, the question remains in her heart for a lifetime.
And then the real question comes. "What would I have done in the same situation?" And the real answer follows. Thankfully I can often say "no", and I can be confident that I would have chosen them over the thing. But there are times when the truth is not so pretty, or so certain. My integrity wavers and I don't always choose the noble or "right" way. That's when the full circle moment happens. Who have I hurt in my quest for things? Who has felt the ache in their stomach and weeping in their heart because of my choices? Who have I offended?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
goodbye for now, old friend
I became in contact with an old friend again after many years via Facebook. A long time ago we were not just friends, but close and dear friends. Very quickly it became apparent that we had taken different paths in life. I chose a family life based on faith and love and living honestly. While she also had a family, her life was lived in stark contrast to my own. She hung with a "hard" crowd and her body began to reflect her lifestyle in all manner of images imprinted upon it. She chose a life a partying, drugs, drinking and the like. While she loved her children dearly, it wasn't enough to rid herself of her increasingly hardened lifestyle. Two days ago I learned that she passed on from this life. At 31 years of age, she left behind two beautiful children who now have no mother. I do not know the details of her death, but my gut tells me is it was self inflicted. And while she may not have intentionally ended her own life, her lifestyle took it from her.
I mourn the loss of her young life. I mourn the memory of our childhood friendship, which remains vivid in my memory. I mourn for the two precious children who will grow up with out a mother. I mourn for her parents who I know loved her dearly. I mourn that she never knew the truth about how an honest life makes one happy. I am saddened that she felt emptiness within herself and ignorantly tried to fill with all the wrong things. I mourn for all that she will never experience. I mourn for my dear friend.
It is times like these that I am grateful for the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I find comfort in knowing that someone on the other side of the veil will teach her the truth. I pray that she will recognize truth and goodness when it comes before her. I have found solace in that someday she will be reunited with her children.
Good bye Suzanne, until we meet again.
I mourn the loss of her young life. I mourn the memory of our childhood friendship, which remains vivid in my memory. I mourn for the two precious children who will grow up with out a mother. I mourn for her parents who I know loved her dearly. I mourn that she never knew the truth about how an honest life makes one happy. I am saddened that she felt emptiness within herself and ignorantly tried to fill with all the wrong things. I mourn for all that she will never experience. I mourn for my dear friend.
It is times like these that I am grateful for the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I find comfort in knowing that someone on the other side of the veil will teach her the truth. I pray that she will recognize truth and goodness when it comes before her. I have found solace in that someday she will be reunited with her children.
Good bye Suzanne, until we meet again.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
thanksgiving....a week late
Now that Thanksgiving is over and my family is coming out of the flu infested weekend, I feel the need to express my gratitude for all that I have.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be as blessed as I am. Ok...I did dream wildly about it, but never thought it would actually happen. I have so much to be thankful for. When I start to think about it, the blessings are so abudant that I couldn't possibly list them all, but here are a few.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be as blessed as I am. Ok...I did dream wildly about it, but never thought it would actually happen. I have so much to be thankful for. When I start to think about it, the blessings are so abudant that I couldn't possibly list them all, but here are a few.
- I am married to my favorite person in the world. How many people can say that?
- My three children are quite possibly the cutest kids on the planet. Not to mention the smartest and sweetest and funniest and greatest and most talented and...
- Quinn has a job. And not just a job, but one that he likes and one that supports our family and helps us live comfortably.
- My healthy body. My family is healthy.
- I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
- Quinn is a worthy priesthood holder and leads our family righteously.
- I have amazing friends that I consider family.
- I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. Somewhere I could happily live forever.
- All the things that I often take for granted, that so many do not have; a beautiful home, a comfortable bed, an abundance of food to eat, clothing to wear, a warm shower...
Sunday, November 14, 2010
a day of rest
The Sabbath is suppose to be a day of rest. Mine usually is not. Sometimes they are more work than any other day of the week.
I'm not sure why, but it seems the kids are grumpier on Sundays. In turn, I am grumpier. I don't want to be. I don't want to lose my patience on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th time to take a child out of sacrament meeting. I don't want to lose my cool, when my 5 year old blatently disobeys. I don't want to feel frustrated when another child tells me he thinks he's going to throw up while we're sitting in the church pew. I don't want to angrily take away the new birthday toys of a strong willed child, throwing a fit.
But I did all those things today.
It's not that I had to walk in and out of the chapel 5 times, or discipline a disobedient child, or nurse a sick baby that leaves me feeling defeated at the end of the day. It's the disappointment in myself that I did not combat these things with compassion and love. Instead I let annoyance and anger take over. And for that I am ashamed.
At the end of the day I want my children to feel loved. So I took some time to cool off. I went to lay down with Lu who had been banished to her bed for the night. Told her I loved her, kissed her goodnight, and vowed to have a better day tomorrow.
I'm not sure why, but it seems the kids are grumpier on Sundays. In turn, I am grumpier. I don't want to be. I don't want to lose my patience on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th time to take a child out of sacrament meeting. I don't want to lose my cool, when my 5 year old blatently disobeys. I don't want to feel frustrated when another child tells me he thinks he's going to throw up while we're sitting in the church pew. I don't want to angrily take away the new birthday toys of a strong willed child, throwing a fit.
But I did all those things today.
It's not that I had to walk in and out of the chapel 5 times, or discipline a disobedient child, or nurse a sick baby that leaves me feeling defeated at the end of the day. It's the disappointment in myself that I did not combat these things with compassion and love. Instead I let annoyance and anger take over. And for that I am ashamed.
At the end of the day I want my children to feel loved. So I took some time to cool off. I went to lay down with Lu who had been banished to her bed for the night. Told her I loved her, kissed her goodnight, and vowed to have a better day tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
quiet moments
What do you think about in your quiet moments?
In my quiet moments when Quinn is gone and the kids are in bed and the TV is off, I think of the same thing, over and over. Like a broken record. I try and think about other things, but it always comes back to the same thoughts. I keep repeating in my head the thoughts of struggles past, my previous life, my childhood. I can't shake the spiteful words from people I love aimed directly to hurt other people I love. Shot at one another as if words could piece their hearts. And they can, and they did. Only it's as if their sights we mis-aligned and hit me. I'm not sure that they ever made it to their true targets, but hitting innocent by-standers on the way. As if shooting a bear would give you venison.
If I am ever to heal these wounds, forgiveness has to come into my heart. Only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can true healing occur. I know this. I understand this principle. I have taught it to others. Somehow I must learn to apply it to myself.
In my quiet moments when Quinn is gone and the kids are in bed and the TV is off, I think of the same thing, over and over. Like a broken record. I try and think about other things, but it always comes back to the same thoughts. I keep repeating in my head the thoughts of struggles past, my previous life, my childhood. I can't shake the spiteful words from people I love aimed directly to hurt other people I love. Shot at one another as if words could piece their hearts. And they can, and they did. Only it's as if their sights we mis-aligned and hit me. I'm not sure that they ever made it to their true targets, but hitting innocent by-standers on the way. As if shooting a bear would give you venison.
If I am ever to heal these wounds, forgiveness has to come into my heart. Only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can true healing occur. I know this. I understand this principle. I have taught it to others. Somehow I must learn to apply it to myself.
Monday, October 4, 2010
an attitude of gratitude
I slept on the bathroom floor again last night. It's getting old. I don't like it. Not one bit. So I broke down and picked up the prescription for a new anti-anxiety medication. Actually it's an anti-depressant. But apparently they use the same drugs to treat two very different problems. Weird. But if it works, I don't really care. I am just sick and tired of being sick all the time.
Complain, complain, complain.....I get annoyed with myself when my pity party gets too big. I really have no complaints. Not really. Oh except for being sick all the time. Did I mention that already??
So I am resolved to take President Monson's advice and have "an attitude of gratitude". I will start now.
I am grateful for:
A husband that loves me even when I am sick
Children that love me and forgive me for my imperfections
Kisses and hugs (especially from those adorable children)
A beautiful home
Amazing friends
The Gospel of Jesus Christ, His ministry, His atonement, His love
Service...clarity and perspective returns when I am serving others
A comfortable bed
And SO much more...
Complain, complain, complain.....I get annoyed with myself when my pity party gets too big. I really have no complaints. Not really. Oh except for being sick all the time. Did I mention that already??
So I am resolved to take President Monson's advice and have "an attitude of gratitude". I will start now.
I am grateful for:
A husband that loves me even when I am sick
Children that love me and forgive me for my imperfections
Kisses and hugs (especially from those adorable children)
A beautiful home
Amazing friends
The Gospel of Jesus Christ, His ministry, His atonement, His love
Service...clarity and perspective returns when I am serving others
A comfortable bed
And SO much more...
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